An Undivided Heart

 

It's easy to get overwhelmed with life. In being bombarded with so many things to accomplish on a daily basis, it can be easy to miss the most important things. I've been bad when it comes to missing the important things...really bad. I attributed it to grief, busyness, crisis- moving so quickly from one event in my life to the next without really having the ability to take a breath and de-brief. I'd been on auto-pilot for years and I hate to admit it. It's so painful when someone recalls a time that they shared with you that impacted their life so deeply, and you cannot even recall a moment of the interaction. That's been my life for the last 5 years.  Something happened in my heart recently that changed everything. 

I was spending time with a dear friend of mine recently and through the conversation and prayer, I realized that I had a divided heart. I don't really know how it began, but its divisions left an indelible mark on my life. it had gotten so bad that I forgot how to prioritize... I found myself trying to figure out if I should change my sons' diaper or fold laundry. My passions fizzled out as soon as they began. I was checked out and I didn't love as I should. 

I don't know why the grace of healing was extended to me, but I'm grateful it did. I had been seeking God for renewal for years. I guess it was just the time. Maybe He had enough of my silliness in suffering. Whatever the reason, I tangibly felt God begin to renew my heart...making it undivided. I am finally able to pursue my sole purposes with passion and joy- a path that I haven't been on in years. Every time I tried to move before, it just felt like striving. Now it feels like flying. 

Yesterday, I was going to go shopping after the kids were in bed, because I'm used to the internalization that everything is "urgent"...even purchasing socks or a crayons for the kids at 10PM. With an undivided heart, I stopped and considered what really mattered. I would much rather spend a few moments in the arms of my husband before he turned in for the night than drive to the store. I couldn't remember the last time I had, and the moments were glorious. I had missed listening to his heart beat. Where have I been? What kind of life was I living? A hurried one. A desperate one. 

I say all of this to tell you that if you find yourself with a divided heart tonight, know that God sees you. He wants to make you new. All of the prayers that you've hidden inside have not been unheard. He cherishes every one. Just as the earth traverses a set path in its rotation that paints the skies in each season with brilliance, so the Savior twirls you amongst the seasons of your life. Some seasons are bold as the colors of fall. Some seem as a frigid winter, but none is more important than the rest. Cherish each season love. If you've found yourself stuck shivering in the cold like i'd been, don't fret. Summer is coming! Love you!

-Mel.