A matter of life and death

An issue has been on my heart for quite some time now. I wanted to share it because I've been there. Let me fill you in. As you know, parenting can be such a challenge. There are amazing days, and there are also days where you feel ridiculously overwhelmed. When we are not at our best, sometimes we yell more, sometimes we cry. Sometimes we replace our meals with chocolate or completely tune out everything with media. I'm guilty of them all.  

A few weeks ago I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs, running to my bathroom and locking the door. I was so overwhelmed with kids that didn't listen, a dirty house, inhumane levels of sleep deprivation and unattained dreams that I lost it. I sunk to the floor and just cried...no, I balled. I seriously considered suicide that day. That's how bad it was. I got up and cried loading the kids in the car. I cried to the grocery store, and cried to meet my dear husband who was definitely not expecting such a beautiful mess to surprise him with lunch. While he held me in his arms, all I could think of was "How did I get here?" Such a desperate place. Meltdowns were for my kids. Not for me. I'm supposed to hold it together. Be the example. Well, sometimes I'm just not strong enough.

As caregivers, it is so important to take care of ourselves. We've all heard the old adage "If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of anybody else." Isn't that the truth! Far too often we walk around like zombies, trying to make meals, break up fights between our kids, clean up poop and cater to everyone else but ourselves. We may go days without a shower, live in pajamas, often grimacing at those extra pounds that we have no time to lose. 

All of these cares can pile up...on your shoulders. At the end of the day, when no one is there but you, how do you really feel about yourself? Have you checked in with your heart lately? Love, I want to encourage your heart. You can and WILL make it to the weekend. You are beautiful. You are so valuable. You are dearly loved. 

Who cares about the huge mental to-do list that you still haven't actually written down.  Who cares about the piles of dishes or clothes. Who cares about how junky the car is or about the caked up milk under your little ones booster seat. In time, everything will get done. Put aside the broken dreams, unfinished college or anything else you're regretting. Right now, it's about YOU. What you do IS important! YOU were made to thrive. YOU were made to smile so much more than you do. YOU were made to dream! Keep dreaming love. Don't give up. 

If you've ever been to the end of your rope... even considered suicide, I've been there too. But I am still here! We are still here for a reason. You were meant to live beyond today. It's time to take care of you, find balance and become the best lover your family has ever had. Don't give up. You were made for this! One of my favorite bible verses is Matthew 11:28. The NIV translation says:

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Let this truth sink into your soul. There is a better way to manage everything, and you can do it while still taking care of you. Here are a few practical steps to put into practice to regain needed balance.

Practical steps to a healthier you:

• Get more sleep. Simply setting a bedtime and wake-up time for yourself will ensure that you get some sleep. My bedtime is 11PM and I try to wake-up at 7AM. Although my rest is horribly interrupted with nursing my sweet little one throughout the night, at least I know that from 11 to 7, I'm in my pajamas!

• Hit the gym. Working out your body balances your hormones, contributes to a better mood and a healthier lifestyle. You owe that to yourself. Whether you actually leave the house to hit the weights, hang out in your garage gym or do a dvd in the living room- Anything will bring wonderful changes! 

• Have some "me" time. Getting away from your stressors is an integral part of rejuvenation. Taking a walk, reading a book out on the patio, painting your nails or hitting up the local coffee shop without the kids can help you to regain needed perspective so that you can return home in a better head-space than before you left. Remember, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder..." even if that "absence" is in moderation. 

I could go on and on. Eat cleaner, turn the tv off, daydream, paint a picture or have a glass of wine. 

Find a healthy outlet that makes you feel alive and own it! Balance helps us to love well. You deserve a balanced journey! You deserve to live better. Choose to be at your best. Believe me, you won't regret it.
I'm on the same journey now. I've been painting more, got a gym membership and finally started to invest in me. I'm still trying to find my groove in all of this, but I'm so much better that I was. If I feel like I'm even close to having a meltdown, then it's time to give myself permission to re-focus on what's important today...Me.