These proverbial "gifts" were actually the realization of layered baggage that I had been carrying around for years, but because of its pretty packaging and my thick skin I didn't realize how deeply wounded I truly was. It was like my angel brought all of these things to me and was like "This is supposed to be a freakin' amazing year! I'm tired of seeing you cart all of this crap around. Deal with it now!"
It began when things started happening that started shaking me up inside. A repressed memory from my childhood resurfaced that I had to address. I heard bad news about a friend that had been the cause of decades of pain for them. I was at the local grocery store and the security guard tried to give me a neck massage! Agh! Yeah, that one took the cake...and more. What a first week huh?
I began to see very quickly that this year was very different from previous ones. Because of this, I had to learn a few things and learn them quick. Here is what I have gleaned from these experiences so far:
I really have to be more careful to guard my self in casual conversation. I am generally a very warm and encouraging person. Some mistake this for weakness or open access to my heart or body. This is NOT the case. I'm just showing the love of Jesus, but not everyone will respect the call on my life or my boundaries. It is my job to make those very clear...especially to strangers.
It's time to shrink my inner circle of friends. We've all experienced it...The coffee chat with a friend that was completely one sided, poisonous and just downright draining. I want to surround myself with people who are positive and edifying. Who are ready and willing to participate in a healthy reciprocating friendship. Those who are not catty and those who can see beyond themselves. I can't share God's love with the world and execute great vision when I am self-centered or stuck. I need to be around healthy people to keep my outlook healthy. People who are where I am and also those who have been where I want to be.
I need to refocus and clearly define how I spend my time. I've spoken before about how I have had far too many pots in the fire...and for what? It is time for me to choose what my passions are and pursue them. To determine where my focus should be and stay there. For me, those are my faith, my self, my family and finally my ambitions. That would look like this:
- Faith: To know Jesus more and to heal from any discrepancies in my spiritual identity.
- Family: To spend time cultivating a deeper and more passionate relationship with my husband by having a date night every week. To stop fighting my kids and become their greatest cheerleader. To kill clutter in my home to maintain peace and joy.
- Myself: To know who I am and become comfortable in my skin and joyful in who I have been made to be. To get counseling to completely heal from past baggage. To spend more time reading. To exercise in a way that brings me great joy and great results.
- Ambitions: To make my art business come alive this year. To make enough passive income with my husband so that he doesn't have to work and we can focus on doing what we love. To finally pursue my music.
This is my vision for the year. To truly change my pace and stamp intentionality of every day that I live. Habakkuk 2:2-3 Says:
"Write the Revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits for the appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."
I truly believe that this is the year that the long awaited visions that we have will come to pass if we walk out in God's direction and keep moving forward. I am excited to see what this year has to bring and to finally deal with that wheelbarrow:-) I can't wait to see what is in store for you as well. Write your vision down and pursue it! Have a wonderful day and a Happy New Year!
-Mel
Hi Mel..I really appreciate and can relate to your words in more ways than you might think. I love watching young people grow. Especially young women because it took my generation ( at least some of us) so long to realize what was up. First of all, we came along in an era that did not encourage freedom of speech for women. My mother was a writer/minister and later had her own column in the Chicago Crusader newspaper. This was unheard of in the late 1950's and my daddy was often the joke among his friends for not keeping his woman in her "place". I grew up with a different sense of loyalty which led to being used by people ( "friends") who recognized my weakness and need for companionship and it has been only a couple of decades that I have seen myself get free! Coming from an affluent family and ending up with six children to raise as a divorced mom, I was mostly an outcast and disappointment to folks in my family. Anyway, I did not mean to write the story of my life here. I so wanted for you and my grand-daughter Mariah to connect. She is twenty three and has been through so much. Perhaps one day you will, but I want to tell you how proud I am of you and the enlightened and growing young women in our world today!
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