Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Letters to God: Part One


Hello friends! This post is the beginning of a four part series called "Letters to God."  I often desire to get away and have a little "Jesus time," but there are so many diapers to change, meetings to attend and dishes to wash, that in the busyness of life, quiet time can unfortunately become an afterthought.

For those who have taken the time to connect your heart to heaven, it is easy to find that there is a wellspring of strength in those moments that can set your heart and mind in the best place that it could be to begin your day.

The content of these posts will be simple. Just a letter to God as I drink my tea and the kids are watching Mickey Mouse in the living room. I am attempting to prove to myself that quiet times can be done with kids:-) I just took the time and I was immediately overwhelmed with His presence and love. I am too old to have excuses anymore, and the cost of omitting such moments is too great when I am raising warriors.

I would like to challenge you to do the same. In the midst of your day, take 3-5 minutes to write a honest letter to God- even if you have to do it while hiding in the bathroom:-) Here we go!



 Dear Daddy:
When I put to bed my striving and it's just me and you, come face to face with my destiny-to be captured by your heart and hidden in the beauty of your grace. Held within your deep regard for me. Oh, how I can so easily miss the most important things in the hustle of life, but with a single moment, your love comes flooding in and I find everything that I need. Everything that I've been hungry for. My worries and issues become insignificant in the beauty of your love. My shortcomings disappear because I'm perfect in your eyes. Oh, if I could just live in the strength of these moments everyday! Just place everything that I carry at your beloved feet, then I would truly fly. Thank you dear Father for showing me that I  have purpose. That my life has meaning and that I am and eternally will be the object of your affection. Thank you for making me come alive and for washing away all that makes me feel guilty, dirty and worthless. You are everything I need. Your heart and character is what I desire to become. You. are. everything. 
I love you dearly,

Mel
 
 
 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Turn the Fire Up

You can always tell what someone is made of when they go through the fire. Some come out stronger. Some find that their resolve was as fragile as the chaff that they've become.

Some of the most painful and most difficult fires we encounter are those involving loved ones. Petty arguments, easy mistakes. They happen all the time. Their wake can easily leave us paralyzed in the decision of what to do next. Do we fall apart or do we fight? Do we run away or do we stay? Do we face tough conversations head on or do we build walls? It all depends on what you're made of. 

Today, the heat got turned up a little bit in my house. I woke up like a zombie- barely got a wink of sleep with a teething seven month old. The hubby wakes up peppy, peaceful and gorgeous. He makes breakfast and is ready to go to church. The kids are at the table. I put the baby in the high chair and  start feeding him in the midst shoving fistfulls of eggs in my mouth. No shower, wearing dirty clothes, no make up. Worn out, and functioning on little brain power. Here comes the heat. 

My husband  makes a comment about how he needs to lose weight- he has a very athletic build and desires to cut his body fat percentage down so his muscles can be more defined. I get that. My mind becomes overwhelmed with ways to respond- mostly centering around the "Are you freakin' serious dude?! You don't need to lose no weight!" Mind you- the brain's not all there yet. How do I respond? Pull up my shirt and motion to my recently stretched mom tummy, roll my eyes and pretend to flip the table over. Now, this is a gesture that my husband and I do often when we think something is ridiculous...but I forgot that the legs of the table need to be tightened. My pretend flip sent my husband's hot tea pouring all over his lap. Now the Fire is on. 

My brain sobers up real quick and I sheepishly cover my mouth with my hands, profusely  apologizing as he storms away to clean up the mess on his clothes. He mumbles something with the word "stupid" under his breath. I sit there with the kids who were watching the whole thing. I look at their stunned faces and say "Mommy didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry." The oldest one tells me I'm in big trouble and that I need to clean up this mess.  As I rise to right this wrong, the thoughts come flooding in. More desperate than usual. I could tell I was burnt out. They sounded something like this: "I wish I could just run away...to the ocean...by myself...maybe forever. I need a vacation." 

I wipe up the tea and see my kids faces again. In steps the voice of shame. "I'm such a bad example. What the heck was I thinking?" ..."Wait, did he call me stupid? "Doesn't he know my love language is words of affirmation?" My hearts starts tearing apart. I cross the counter and in enters desperation. My eye catches a knife laying still on the laminate. I imagine where it could take me. I could never go there...right? I walk to the laundry room, close the door, and bury my head in the clothes on top a shelf. I let the tears soak the linens. It was time to bring it back to reality. 

I thought about how my husband was feeling. Anger came. We're his precious clothes more important than me? Can't he see how exhausted I am? Does he even care? Softening, I wonder: Have I broken his heart from my mistake? Does he have grace for me? I whispered a prayer to God "Lord, please help me to remedy this. I made a big mess." I was exhausted. I needed the courage to move forward. I hear my husband come out of the bedroom. Clothes changed, calm and beautiful. Carrying peace. In the waiting, you can feel the tension. In my fear of rejection, I quickly started to build walls around my heart. "He can just go to church without me. I'm not ready anyway..." Then I thought "No!" If I stay home, then there is no victory. There is no remedy. There are only walls. I can't have that."

 I thought I was doing nursery, so we agreed on driving separate cars. I felt more separation in my heart. We said our goodbyes, and in the embrace, the fire was over. The walls immediately crumbled to the ground. I said It was truly an accident. He said that he put himself in my shoes. He knew I was exhausted. We apologized for words spoken and deeds done. With a kiss, all was right in the world and I didn't want to leave his side. I later came home to dinner done, flowers on the table and kombucha in the fridge. That's a love worth fighting for. 

James 1:2-4 says:
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."
The fire gave me a glimpse of my heart today. Yes, there are some things exposed that will one day become forgotten chaff. I will conquer them one counseling session with Jesus at a time. Until then, I make the resolution, that through every fire, I choose to be victorious. I will feel the heat. Through every moment of desperation, I must bring it back to the Love of the Father who enables me to stand. You can too. 

Love you,

-Mel

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Unplugged Worship Time:-)

Hey friends! In the midst of blog posts, I wanted to bring things back to the strength that comes from quiet time with Jesus. Here is a worship video for you. Sing along, or just play it while you go about the happenings of your day. Love you!
-Mel

Sunday, October 12, 2014

His Heart, Your heart

I've heard people say that the key to finding your calling, is to discover the thing that moves your heart and run with it. I know that there are many roles that we play, and our passions have a tendency to change depending on what season of life we may be in.

With so many things to be passionate about nowadays, it can be easy to lose sight of who we really are in the flurries of social media and hectic schedules. In the search to discover the true depths of one's calling, elusive results may only be found. Personally, I believe we will ultimately discover what we were made for, when we grasp the passion and heart of God.

I was out running errands today and saw something that struck me so deeply, I was overwhelmingly moved to tears. As I turned the corner near a popular highway that led home,  I saw a teenage girl walking with a friend. I first noticed her because she was dressed a little too provocatively for my liking. I began making a "kids these days" judgement in my head, when something stopped me in my tracks. What struck me was the precious cargo she was carrying in a harness across her body. A sweet little baby, that couldn't have been more than a few weeks old was swaying gently as its mama walked across an abandoned lot to the Seven Eleven.

Immediately my heart broke for her. I began to call out to God, declaring angels to protect them. I wondered if they had everything that they needed. Did she need a car-seat? A stroller? Money? Someone to lean on to learn about being a loving mom? I almost jumped out of the car and I realized that she may very well be doing an excellent job at taking care of the baby... that many of my questions were sparked by the judgement that I created upon viewing what she was wearing. I assumed that her heart and life would be more focused on getting the attention of boys than taking care a child. I had no proof of this. I had envisioned the baby crying alone with no one to console her in the corner of a room. I envisioned all of the children around the world that were without arms to hold them tonight. I was doing a bit too much.

My irrational fears may not have been merited at all. I started to wonder: Did anyone ever teach this young girl to dress? How to be a mother? Did she even have a female figure in her life?

It was then that I was reminded of my calling. I was created to mentor girls. Whatever state they come onto my path, I want them to know that they are loved, strong and beautiful. I want them to know that they can achieve anything. That they were not a mistake. That they will make indelible marks on the world. That no matter what they do, or what they have done, they are so very precious and so dearly loved.

I can't believe I had so badly lost touch of this passion-one that previously drove the vocational endeavors of at least six years of my life. The reality of it all broke my heart. It was then that the Holy Spirit began to speak louder into my ears. He told me that it's okay. That there are seasons for everything and this one would soon be coming back around. He reminded my heart that in choosing this path, not every story will have a happy ending. That on this journey, I will be pressed to erase personal boundaries, stay up late many nights and will need to give the precious lives that I encounter over to God on a daily basis.

I am willing to risk it all to love. It's what I was made for. Maybe this purpose was one reason why God gave me all boys- to keep my desire for daughters always alive in my heart.

Even now, I'm thinking about that girl and her baby. How I want to be there if she needs me or not. This is my passion. This is my calling. It is also the heart of God. To Love with everything that I am-even if it's messy. In the end, lives will be changed. Hearts will be healed. Destinies will come into view and passions will be realized.

What is your calling friend? What is the purpose that is inscribed upon your soul? What moves the heart of God? I encourage you to discover the answer to these questions and run with it. Don't waste any more time chasing the wind...for you too, were made for this:-)

Love,

-Mel

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Come Alive


What makes you come alive? I mean truly feel alive? Is it the feeling of sand between your toes as the vast and mysterious ocean crashes upon the shore just beyond your reach? Do you feel alive laying on the cool grass in silence as you watch the stars dance in the skies? Does your heart rejoice when you hear the pure joy in the laugher of children as they run from you in an impromptu game of hide and seek? Does your heart skip a beat upon hearing the forlorn melodies of a symphony as the marriage of sweet notes crash upon your soul, moving you to tears? Or is it upon hearing the indescribable and unmistakable voice of God in your dealings that surrounds your heart like a blanket knit with threads of security and peace?

We go far too long without moments like these. As a child, when I would feel overwhelmed I would just run away. I'd run to the forest where no one would find me. I didn't have a cell phone and I didn't care. I would take off my shoes and run off the beaten path. I would chase the songs of birds, dance in the rain, wade into peaceful lakes, climb the tallest trees and find so much peace that I vowed in my heart never to return home again. Those were the moments that I felt truly alive. 

I don't always have the luxuries of significant moments of rest that I once had. Peace is sometimes elusive and equated to sitting alone a little longer in the car to sing along to a favorite song, or stopping to smell the candles at Target letting the fragrances take me away. I constantly crave the ocean, constantly crave more peace, yet I make few attempts to just get away. So few that when I finally do, I'm so numb to life that I have a hard time unwinding enough to enjoy them. 

It's time for us to come alive again. To make moments of peace and joy common practices in our lives.  The frigid winds of winter are on their way and they beckon your heart to remember the seasons. To seek out the changing of the leaves. To become aware of the fleeting seasons of your own life and the ebbs and flows that they bring. It's time to make them count! It's time to give yourself permission to seek joy and to share that joy with others. It's time to unwind your heart and truly forgive those with whom you have been estranged. To forgive yourself. To cultivate true love again. To dance. To dream again. To pick up that paintbrush. To put down excuses. 

I encourage you this week to find what moves you. Focus on that passion at least once this week. Remember who you truly are, or get to know yourself for the first time. Don't be afraid. Come Alive.

Love,

-Melody