Hide and Seek

I just realized that I've been hiding. I don't know how long its been, but I see the symptoms. First it was the long hair- to cover my eyes. Then it was the make-up, to hide behind. When I went to see Jon in San Antonio earlier this month, I remember later that he said he didn't recognize me at first. I thought I was just trying to overcompensate for the fact that I hadn't seen him in such a long time. I didn't know I was hiding.

So when did Seek begin? Well I think His spirit has been Seeking my heart. That's how it always starts. Then its a comment by someone here and there. Jon said something- he likes my hair- likes to see me. That's when I noticed the turmoil inside. He was trying to take off my mask. Did he even know it?

What did I do? I cut it. I cut the twists to shoulder length- a lot less to hide behind. I noticed something was missing...the real me. It reminded me of that Joy Williams song, Hide. I just wanted to play it and put it on repeat until every inch of the twists were undone. Until I was undone. I hinted a conversation at God, which turned into unspoken silent dialoge of Him showing me myself. I tried to figure it all out, but to confusing avail. So, I am lost... until I remove this mask.

I remember before I would have torn it off. I wanted to be exposed! "I have nothing to hide!" I would say... until this. Its almost like the Great Sadness from The Shack.

I thought my pain wasn't that bad, but I haven't yet had the chance to look myself in the face.

This mask has got to come OFF!