Happy New Year!

The New Year came bearing gifts for me. It was like at the stroke of midnight, a wheelbarrow of heirloomed ugly sweaters, stale gingerbread houses and lacquered Matryoshka dolls were placed at my door step.

These proverbial "gifts" were actually the realization of layered baggage that I had been carrying around for years, but because of its pretty packaging and my thick skin I didn't realize how deeply wounded I truly was. It was like my angel brought all of these things to me and was like "This is supposed to be a freakin' amazing year! I'm tired of seeing you cart all of this crap around. Deal with it now!"

It began when things started happening that started shaking me up inside. A repressed memory from my childhood resurfaced that I had to address. I heard bad news about a friend that had been the cause of decades of pain for them. I was at the local grocery store and the security guard tried to give me a neck massage! Agh! Yeah, that one took the cake...and more. What a first week huh?


I began to see very quickly that this year was very different from previous ones. Because of this, I had to learn a few things and learn them quick. Here is what I have gleaned from these experiences so far:

I really have to be more careful to guard my self in casual conversation. I am generally a very warm and encouraging person. Some mistake this for weakness or open access to my heart or body. This is NOT the case. I'm just showing the love of Jesus, but not everyone will respect the call on my life or my boundaries. It is my job to make those very clear...especially to strangers.

It's time to shrink my inner circle of friends. We've all experienced it...The coffee chat with a friend that was completely one sided, poisonous and just downright draining. I want to surround myself with people who are positive and edifying. Who are ready and willing to participate in a healthy reciprocating friendship. Those who are not catty and those who can see beyond themselves. I can't share God's love with the world and execute great vision when I am self-centered or stuck. I need to be around healthy people to keep my outlook healthy. People who are where I am and also those who have been where I want to be.

I need to refocus and clearly define how I spend my time. I've spoken before about how I have had far too many pots in the fire...and for what? It is time for me to choose what my passions are and pursue them. To determine where my focus should be and stay there. For me, those are my faith, my self, my family and finally my ambitions.  That would look like this:

• Faith: To know Jesus more and to heal from any discrepancies in my spiritual identity.
• Family: To spend time cultivating a deeper and more passionate relationship with my husband by having a date night every week. To stop fighting my kids and become their greatest cheerleader. To kill clutter in my home to maintain peace and joy.
• Myself: To know who I am and become comfortable in my skin and joyful in who I have been made to be. To get counseling to completely heal from past baggage. To spend more time reading. To exercise in a way that brings me great joy and great results. 
• Ambitions: To make my art business come alive this year. To make enough passive income with my husband so that he doesn't have to work and we can focus on doing what we love. To finally pursue my music.

This is my vision for the year. To truly change my pace and stamp intentionality of every day that I live.  Habakkuk 2:2-3 Says:

"Write the Revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits for the appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."

I truly believe that this is the year that the long awaited visions that we have will come to pass if we walk out in God's direction and keep moving forward. I am excited to see what this year has to bring and to finally deal with that wheelbarrow:-) I can't wait to see what is in store for you as well. Write your vision down and pursue it! Have a wonderful day and a Happy New Year!

-Mel

A Change of Pace

Let's pretend for a second that life is a rat race...or maybe it's like being on a rowing team. Instead of the Coxswain yelling row in the megaphone, they are yelling "Strive! Strive!..." My goodness, this is how I feel at least 75% of the time. How I want so bad to dwell in the unforced rhythms of grace all day-100% of the time!

I was in the bathroom a few nights ago, trying to figure out my hair. I had this elaborate design planned in my head, but I was subtly racing the clock to have it done before my husband got home. I would begin a row of twisting my hair..."Strive! Strive!" Was all I could hear in my head...leading to epic hair failure. I undid my work. Began another row. "Strive! Strive!" ...epic fail. It looked so bad, I decided to change my hairstyle altogether. 

All the while, I'm thinking about what I'm going to wear at church the next day. Thinking about how I regret unfinished business plans. Thinking about how I still haven't cleaned the kitchen, finished the laundry, painted the boys bedroom, swept the dining room floor, or done my nails. Oh, my poor nails. I haven't given them proper attention in years, partially because of the incessant "Strive! Strive!" chant I've been coasting along to. The weight of it never really affords me the opportunity to get anything worthwhile done.

I remember once, I was spending time in prayer and I felt like God was tugging on my heart to change my pace. To stop striving all of the time. How do you stop when you've been moving at breakneck speeds for most of your life? Doing many things, but few things well? Just getting by and running on empty far too often. Bouncing from one task to another- to complete anything just to have even the slightest feeling of accomplishment. 

 Sometimes our peers can be the greatest teachers. For a while now, I have been noticing the life of my sister in law, Donna. She is a ballroom dance instructor, so she kind of glides when she walks, moves gently and deliberately- even when she endearingly punches my husband, (as his older sister) there is a certain grace to it. :-)

 One thing I love about her is that she is rarely in a rush. She allots more than enough time to get ready in the morning. She actually tastes her food when she eats. She sits at the end of the day with a glass of wine in her hand, lets herself unwind and begins discussing the happenings of her day. In contrast, most days I hop out of bed to the sound of my kids yelling for me to come and get them from the bottom of their bedroom door, maybe take a 5 minute shower and sometimes brush my teeth. I grab the boys, throw breakfast together, break up a fight over toy cars, let the crazy dogs outside, maybe even eat my eggs straight from the pan to fill my stomach before the baby wakes up and starts to cry to be nursed. You know, the life of a mom with young children. 

I was considering that maybe things don't have to be this way. I don't really have to strive and stress in the happenings of my day. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes, I wake up early. Sit outside by the water and listen to the birds chirping with a steaming cup of tea- do a small devotional and get grounded to begin my day. Days like those are so much better overall because I start the day with intentionality. I want to begin every day this way. I need to. Not only for the sake of not losing my mind, but for the sake of hearing the voice of God.

If I'm moving so fast, I lose the beauty of the stillness that I find Him whispering to me about His great love for me and for my children. I miss Him cheering me on as a mother and wife when I feel like I'm doing a thankless job. I miss God's reminders of love written across the skies as I walk with the boys to the park in the morning. I miss what is far too valuable to ignore. I can't afford to do that anymore. 

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 says:12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 

So today, I will be intentional. I will taste my food. Even though I have many unfinished tasks to be done-many of which could easily overwhelm my heart with feelings of shame, I choose to reject striving in my dealings. I choose to believe that the goal of my life is far more than just to accomplish things. The goal is to enjoy the journey. To really know the love and heart of God. To really get to know and love myself. Out of these places will flow great beauty that will allow me to bless my world and the people in it. No more striving. Just grace.

 I challenge you to do the same. Be intentional today. Rest. Love well. Find delight in the works of your hands and throw striving out of the window. Bask in the love of Jesus. You can do it! I believe in you. 

Love,

-Mel