A Beautiful Letdown

There is something about brutal honesty that brings great freedom...even peace. During these last few weeks, I found myself in and out of chaos and far too often wearing such burdens on my shoulders that it was difficult for me to go about my day. I was talking to God in frustration about why I just couldn't seem to leave the burdens that I carried at His feet. Far too often, I've felt the sweet release of unloading all of the heaviness in prayer, but found myself, a few days later, feeling like I'm wearing a rucksack full of boulders.

After a bit of introspection, there were a few things on my heart. I was carrying the weight of the broken relationships of others, disappointments, finances, mistakes, frustrations and self-pity. I didn't realize my stress levels were so high until I found myself grinding my teeth throughout the day. Eek! I was never meant to carry such burdens.

One issue in particular struck a deep chord in my heart. I had quite a few pots in the fire, and am notorious for taking on too much because I love a challenge and I am a starter. I run out of the blocks with so much passion, tackling seemingly impossible feats, yet when obstacles come, I often find myself frozen in my tracks.

One of the "pots" I found myself tending to began to boil over. I began staring at the proverbial pot. I attempted to figure out how I could maneuver it to keep it on the fire. In reality, I needed to turn off the fire. I talked to God about it and He impressed upon my heart that I shouldn't have more than four big things going on in my life at a time. I remember telling Him "Well, what about this (Enter irrational yet worthy task here.) I could totally do five. What about five?" His instruction didn't change. Whenever I have more than five pots on the fire, something boils over. Every time.

One thing that I love about God is that even if we do not heed to His instruction, He still lovingly creates beauty from our mess. The burden that came with the last issue I was facing was rooted in letting someone down. From being perceived as a disappointment if I said "no" to another thing to do. Now, it wasn't just any someone that I would be letting down. It was a "father-type" figure. There was something significant about that.

Now, if I would describe myself, I would not say I am a people pleaser by any means. If I have passion about something, I pursue it. If Jesus moves me to do something crazy, I will do it, even if I look stupid. So what was stopping me now? My fears were rooted in unresolved "Daddy Issues." Such a deep recurring issue for me is to completely heal from my relationship with father figures. I realized that when it comes to deviating from instruction from positive individuals of influence such as these, I clam up and boundary lines become blurred, even if the individual is a stranger.

 I had to take a step back and say "Wait! I don't really know this man from Adam. Why is my decision to take this pot out of the fire keeping me up at night?" Not cool. It was then that I felt very clearly that it was time to release this burden... and I did. Making that decision single-handedly cut the chaos in my life in half. Yes, I am now left out of a previous endeavor, but I have more peace for it. It turned out to be a beautiful letdown because my mind and emotions now had room to breathe. Because of God's great love in revealing the heart issue to me, I could now begin to really deal with it. That's a win win situation my friend.

So, if you've ever been in my shoes, learn this truth with me: You don't have to do too much. The world can wait. Saying "no" does not make you any less valuable. Furthermore, God is an amazing Father and the greatest love you will ever have and need. He desires so deeply to lavish a love upon you that is full, beautiful and life-changing. He gives so much grace for our mistakes...such beauty for ashes. Every. single. time.

Today, lay your burdens down. Let your freedom be beautiful. You were made to thrive in peace with great joy. That is what I am after. Now, I pray for healing in my heart. Now I rejoice because out of this, I have golden opportunity to get to know my heavenly Father so much more. So do you.

Love,

-Mel