Making it through

When faced will the challenge of being separated from the one that you love the most, what do you do? How do you cope? My life has consisted of short-lived attempts and vain strivings to keep it all together. Its so crazy- sometimes I even feel like I don't have enough air to breathe... and usually when I've lost all hope, a glimmer of strength comes to me and breaks the dam in my heart to become an ocean and I find myself lost amidst the waves.

The sea churns me and the waters spray upon my pain and break across the rocks of the rigid chasm of despair. Its pretty cool, and I think its the perfect timing of God Himself. Its like if I got any lower in my sadness, the bottom of whatever I was standing upon would have fallen out. I would have run away and joined the peace corps and quit school, never to be heard from again... at least until I knew I could be free to be re-united with my love again.

In the midst of such a separation, it sometimes seems like beauty is useless. Sometimes I look very well put together with no love to admire my outfit or play with the plaits of my hair. If he could only feel how soft it is! I sometimes say to myself. If he could only be with me right now in my room and listen to the song I wrote, or read this poem. He'd love this poem! Its crazy how you never know how much you value someones presence and opinion until they are gone. Then everything is a loss. What do I do now?

I live every day on the strength of those waves, and when they wain to just a salty drop, I close my eyes...I hold my breath until the waters come crashing in again, and when I open my eyes I find once again that I've made it. I'm making it... through.