Searching for something meaningful

Meaning is such a profound thing. I mean, it can be found in anything, and pretty much anywhere. In the gait of a passerby, in the wind, in a city skyline or graffiti on a wall. One of the biggest depictions of meaning that I have in my head lately centers around a profession or vocation.

Its easy to think that being a homemaker is a meaningless profession. Anyone whose life has been poured into and forever changed by a loving parent in this way knows the weight of such a sacrifice. Nevertheless, I can't help but think I should be doing more. In this desire, have I completely missed the point? Why is it so hard to see the value of raising a child or managing the home? I don't know. All I know is that I've felt this way many times before.  I may have even blogged about it.

I've tried writing books to venture out, painting art pieces that just weren't "Masterpiece material." I've tried singing, wish I was better at dancing. I've tried education. In all of these, I've only been able to find a semblance of peace in my faith. In Jesus. Meaning portrayed through those nail scarred hands speaks volumes through my soul. When I work for that cause, I feel like I'm truly impacting the world.

So now what. Do I feel this way because I haven't been connected to this purpose enough? Or could am I being led to some greater thing that is a part of the "grand design" of my life's blueprint? I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling this way.

Lord I'm here

Waiting for something new

Been waiting for years.

Waiting for you.

is it just that I've run

run away from you

from your plan

from the "us"

that knits me to you?

Bring me back, dear Savior.

Dare I ask you to chase?

If this is a game

please find me

in the arms of your amazing grace.

Love is what I have for you.

Be near me tonight

As I fight this feeling inside me;

end this longing plight.